Even Young Men Grow Weary

I've always been an active participant in a lot of things around my schooling life. From secondary school, I tried to be good in a lot of things outside my classroom, including chess, badminton, martial arts, music, drama, poetry, leadership, first aid, cooking, camping, public speaking, international politics, event organising. Many of the things I did don't end up very successful, but some was quite significant in determining the course of my life.

I did very well in drama when I partnered up with few of my fellow school friends to form our first school english drama team and won the state drama competition for two consecutive years. I was leading my school english language society. I won the district poetry festival competition. In college, I help founded a toastmasters club despite much bureaucracy, served the college CF, directed a drama production and right now, am involving myself with the Malaysian club overseas and the CF. I believe that life is too short to be redundant and making a difference should not be seen through religious cliche alone, for all world is God's world.

In the past I managed to survive through the busy times, amist demands of studies. My cramming skill was superb and managed to achieve somewhat outstanding results to qualify me to get a scholarship and entrance into a medical school.

Today...

I struggled with my university timetable and my commitment outside studies for two upcoming events. I failed to keep my word. I fear that past disappointment with my studies will recur again. I cringe when people talk about giving commitment, because I know it does not reflect me at the moment. I love to be involved, I love to be energetic, I love to be in action but I realise that I can't do what I do anymore. I am no longer what I was before. Grow up!

Many people take the easy route by advising me to 'prioritise' and choose things that matter. For goodness sake!?@! Its not rocket science for a 5 year old kid to figure out that prioritisation is the solution for limited resouces such as time.

Everything is easier said than done. Extracurricular commitment is not like changing T-shirts. I can't just chuck away everything when a particular thing become less important, at my whim and fancy. Commitments are made for a period of time, like a contract, for a period of a year and resignation is not an option. Even marriage commitment is for a lifetime, you can't marry and divorce at your pleasure, although some blatantly do it.

I give up sharing my struggles and prayer requests to people who do not understand, because offering solutions is not what I want. I just want a listening ear. Will you?

Psalms 122 "I look up to the heavens, where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, maker of heaven and earth..."

Gotta sleep soon, waking up for dance practice at 8am!